How to Cultivate Your Relationship with God and Keep from Growing Stagnant

Soulful Exhortations

"A few years ago, God woke me up out of my sleep and told me to write down a phrase I had never even heard before."

The phrase was this: How to cultivate your relationship with God to keep from growing stagnant.

At that time, I had never used the word cultivate in my life. And that is exactly why I knew it came from Him. God will do that. He will drop a word or a phrase on you in a dream, or in a quiet moment of devotion, that you have never heard or thought of on your own. He could have simply said how to grow your relationship with Him. But I believe He was intentional with the word cultivate. He wanted me to know without a doubt that this message came from Him. He wanted me to search Him out further.

So that is what I did. And now I am passing it on to you.

"Draw close to God and He will draw close to you."

James 4:8

This blog post and the free guide that comes with it are for those of you who have been feeling stuck. For those of you who feel like God is distant, or who have even quietly questioned whether He is real. Maybe your faith was once on fire and now it feels like the embers have gone cold. Maybe life hit hard and somewhere in the middle of it all, you lost your footing in your walk with God.

You are not alone. And you are not too far gone.

That scripture in James 4:8 is a promise. Draw close to Him and He will draw close to you. But someone has to take the first step. This guide is here to help you take it.

The Foundation

What Does It Mean to Cultivate?

To cultivate something means to tend to it. To nurture it. To give it the right conditions to grow over time. A farmer does not plant a seed and walk away. He waters it. He protects it. He returns to it day after day until it produces fruit.

Your relationship with God works the same way. It does not grow on its own and it does not stay alive without attention. When we prioritize the world over prayer, reflection, and spiritual nourishment, we starve our souls of what they need most. And that is when stagnation sets in.

The good news is that a stagnant faith can come back to life. But it requires something from you. It requires action. Not perfection, not religion, not performance. Just the daily, intentional decision to show up and tend to what God has already placed inside of you.

The Guide

12 Daily Practices to Keep from Growing Stagnant

These are not complicated. They are not religious rituals. They are simply the practices that keep your heart soft toward God and your spirit rooted in something that will not move when life gets hard.

01

Prayer

Consistent, honest conversation with God. Not just in times of need, but in daily communion with Him. Talk to Him like you would a trusted friend. He is listening.

02

Worship

Direct your heart toward God through praise, in music, in gratitude, and in the quiet moments of reverence throughout your day. Worship shifts your atmosphere.

03

Read the Word

Scripture is your guiding light. Take it in completely, not selectively. We must not pick and choose which commandments to follow. His word is a whole light, not a partial one.

04

Journal

Write down what God is speaking to you, what you are learning, and where you are growing. Journaling helps you see His hand at work even in the seasons that feel quiet.

05

Dedication and Loyalty

Show up for God consistently. Not only when it is convenient or comfortable, but every single day. Dedication is not a feeling. It is a decision you make over and over again.

06

Fasting

Deny the flesh to sharpen your spiritual focus. Fasting is not about punishment. It is about creating space to hear God more clearly by quieting the noise of the world.

07

Trust

Lean on His wisdom even when His ways seem beyond your understanding. God's teachings are like a river flowing into the soul. Even when His ways seem incomprehensible, trust that His understanding surpasses your own.

08

Faith

Act on what you believe, not just what you can see. Faith without works is dead. You have to be a person of action. Move with what God has already placed in your hands.

09

Sacrifice Your Time and Attention

Prioritize prayer and spiritual nourishment over worldly distractions. Whenever we place the world ahead of God, we create a vulnerability in our spirit. Guard your time. Guard your attention. They are seeds.

10

Purification

Actively remove what does not align with God's standards from your life, your habits, and your thinking. Purification is not a one-time event. It is an ongoing process of becoming.

11

Obedience

Submit and surrender your will to His. True obedience is not partial. It is complete. And it requires us to remain vigilant. There are no days off in our spiritual walk.

12

Acknowledge Him in All Your Ways

In your plans, your decisions, your dreams, and your daily moments, invite God in first and let Him lead you. He does not want to be an afterthought. He wants to be first.

A Word on Action

Hearing Is Not Enough

James 1:22 says to be doers of the word and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. That word hits differently when you sit with it. Because a lot of us have been hearing. Hearing good sermons. Hearing good advice. Hearing what we should do. And then walking away and doing nothing with it.

That is its own kind of deception. And it keeps us stagnant.

You are going to have to be a person of action. Not perfect action. Not all-at-once action. But one step, and then another. That is how faith grows. That is how relationships are built. And your relationship with God is no different.

Things to Remember

Four Reminders for the Journey

Your gift is a seed, not yet an apple.

God has placed something inside of you. A purpose, a calling, a talent that nobody had to teach you. It starts small. It may not look like much right now. But nurture it. Water it. Give it time. The fruit always comes after the faithfulness, not before it.

Go back to your roots.

Think about what you loved as a child. What you were naturally drawn to before life hit and bills came and circumstances piled up. Those things are clues. God placed that inside of you long before the world tried to talk you out of it.

There are no days off.

Remaining vigilant in your faith is an ongoing commitment. Spiritual stagnation, relapse, and backsliding can happen when we let our guard down and stop tending to our inner life. Stay alert. Stay rooted. Every single day.

He is not far from you.

Whatever you are feeling right now, whatever doubt has crept in, whatever distance you feel between you and God, know this. He said draw close to me and I will draw close to you. He is not the one who moved. But He is waiting for you to take that first step back.

Download the Free Guide

All 12 practices in one beautifully designed, printable guide you can come back to again and again. It is completely free and it is waiting for you.

Download Your Free Guide

"You shall see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living."

Psalm 27:13

Am I Good Enough? Moving Past Rejection to Develop Your God-Given Talents

Maybe You’re Not Ungifted | Maybe You’re Just Undeveloped 

 Have you ever stopped doing something you loved because somebody made you feel like you weren’t good enough at it?

Maybe you tried something new. You were excited about it. You thought, I might actually be good at this.

Then somebody criticized it.

Rejected it.

Chose someone else.

Or responded in a way that made you question whether you had any business doing it in the first place

And somewhere along the way, you stopped.

Not because you stopped loving it.

You stopped because rejection made you question your worth.

I know that feeling because I’ve lived it.

Sometimes the Wound Is Bigger Than the Moment

More than 20 years ago, I took a basic computer class in college. One of the things we learned was how to create flyers.

And I loved it.

At the time, I didn’t have language for what I was discovering about myself. I just knew that I enjoyed creating things digitally.

Later, I became involved with outreach ministry at my church. I served as a secretary, and I would make flyers for different things we were doing.

People liked them. People even asked me to make things for them.

For somebody who didn’t believe she was particularly good at anything, that meant more to me than I realized.

I had found something.

Something I enjoyed.

Something I could do.

Something that made me think, Maybe I’m good at this.

Then one day, I created a flyer for an event our ministry was having.

It was submitted for approval.

And it was rejected.

Someone with more experience and professional design skills created another one instead.

Looking back today, I can understand it differently.

His flyer probably was more professional.

He had skills I hadn’t learned yet.

But back then, I didn’t know how to separate the quality of my work from the quality of me.

I didn’t hear:

You need more training.

I heard:

You’re not good enough.

And I stopped.

I Didn’t Know the Difference Between Rejection and Development

That’s the part I’ve been thinking about lately.

Nobody starts as an expert.

Your first design probably won’t look like the work of someone who has been designing for 15 years.

Your first book probably won’t read like the work of someone who has written ten books.

Your first video might not look professional.

Your first business idea may need to be reworked.

Your first attempt at singing, painting, speaking, coaching, sewing, writing, teaching—or whatever is inside of you—might need a whole lot of development.

But undeveloped does not mean ungifted.

I wish I had understood that when I was younger.

Instead, because I was already carrying rejection and struggling with low self-worth, criticism didn’t simply land on my work.

It landed on me.

Maybe you know exactly what I mean.

When you already don’t think much of yourself, somebody doesn’t even have to say, You’re worthless.

Your wounded heart will translate things for them.

They didn’t choose you.

See? You’re not good enough.

They didn’t like what you created.

See? You’re not talented.

Someone else did it better.

See? You shouldn’t have tried.

They corrected you.

See? You embarrassed yourself.

And before long, you start putting things down that you were supposed to develop.

I Saw the Pattern in Other Areas Too

It wasn’t just designing flyers.

There was a time when I wanted to sing.

I had sung in choirs before, but I was intimidated about singing in front of people. Eventually, with encouragement from friends, I tried out for the praise team.

I was basically told, You have a voice, but we’re not putting you on the team right now.

Again, what did I hear?

You’re not good enough.

There was another time when I discovered that I could write plays.

I had no training in playwriting. I didn’t know the proper formatting. I hadn’t studied the craft.

I simply sat down and wrote.

One of the first plays I wrote came so quickly that I could barely keep up with the words.

But when later attempts weren’t received the way I hoped, there was that familiar feeling again.

Maybe I’m not really good at this.

What I couldn’t understand then is something I understand now:

Potential and polish are not the same thing.

You can have the seed of something inside of you without yet possessing the skills necessary to bring that seed into its fullest expression.

What Did You Put Down?

That’s what I want to ask you.

What did you put down because somebody didn’t recognize it?

What did you stop doing because your first attempt wasn’t good enough?

What did you decide you weren’t talented at because somebody else was better?

What did you love before comparison entered the room?

What did you enjoy before somebody’s opinion made you ashamed of being a beginner?

Think about it.

Maybe you used to write.

Maybe you drew pictures.

Maybe you loved decorating.

Maybe you were always organizing things.

Maybe you loved encouraging people.

Maybe you created businesses in your imagination.

Maybe you wrote songs.

Maybe you enjoyed cooking.

Maybe you loved fashion.

Maybe you were the person everybody called when they needed an idea.

Maybe you could see possibilities where other people couldn’t.

And somewhere along the way, something happened.

Somebody laughed.

Somebody criticized you.

Somebody rejected your work.

Somebody chose someone else.

Maybe nobody encouraged you.

So you buried it.

Rejection Can Become an Agreement

This is where we have to be careful.

Sometimes someone can reject what we produced, and we turn around and reject who we are.

Those aren’t the same thing.

Everything I create isn’t going to be great.

Everything you create won’t be great either.

Some things need editing.

Some ideas need to be thrown away.

Some skills need training.

Sometimes criticism is accurate.

Sometimes somebody else genuinely is better at something than we are.

None of that determines our worth.

That’s where healing has changed the way I look at my past.

I don’t need everyone who rejected something I created to have been wrong in order for me to recognize that I still had value.

Maybe my flyer wasn’t ready.

But there was a designer in me.

Maybe my writing needed development.

But there was a writer in me.

Maybe my voice needed training and confidence.

But rejection didn’t get to determine whether I had a voice.

The tragedy wasn’t that everything I created wasn’t immediately excellent.

The tragedy was that I sometimes interpreted being a beginner as evidence that I shouldn’t continue.

You Were Allowed to Be a Beginner

I want you to hear this, especially if you’ve spent years struggling with your self-worth:

You were allowed to be a beginner.

You were allowed to need help.

You were allowed to need training.

You were allowed to create something mediocre before creating something beautiful.

You were allowed to get it wrong.

You were allowed to learn.

You were allowed to grow.

You were allowed to watch somebody who was better than you and say, Teach me how you did that, instead of deciding their excellence meant you had no gift at all.

Maybe nobody taught you that.

Maybe correction always felt like rejection because rejection was already familiar to you.

Maybe you learned early in life to measure your value by how people treated you.

And now you’re an adult still asking:

Am I really good enough?

Do I actually have anything valuable to offer?

What if I try and fail?

What if people don’t like it?

What if somebody else is already doing it better?

I understand.

But maybe those aren’t the questions you need to be asking anymore.

Look Again

Go back and look at the things you’ve put down.

Not everything needs to be picked back up.

Some things belonged to a particular season.

But there may be something you abandoned that deserves another look.

This time, don’t look at it through the eyes of the wounded version of yourself who desperately needed somebody else’s approval.

Look at it with curiosity.

Why did I love doing this?

What came naturally to me?

What did people consistently ask me for help with?

What could this become if I actually developed it?

Because you may discover that the thing you thought you weren’t good enough to do was never proof that you lacked a gift.

You simply encountered your gift before it was fully developed.

And perhaps now you have the maturity, resources, confidence, wisdom and courage to give it another chance.

Your beginning doesn’t have to look like somebody else’s middle.

You don’t have to be the best person in the room to recognize that something has been placed inside of you.

And you don’t have to keep allowing an old rejection to make decisions for your present life.

Maybe you’re not ungifted.

Maybe there’s something in you that simply needs room to grow.

Feeling Stuck? Let’s Find What’s Already in You.

Sometimes you’ve been disconnected from your gifts for so long that it’s hard to see them for yourself.

That’s one of the reasons I created my Clarity Call.

This is a 45-minute coaching conversation designed for people who feel stuck, scattered, unsure of their next move, or unable to see how their gifts, experiences and ideas connect.

We’ll talk through what’s already there and begin identifying the possibilities you may have overlooked.

You don’t have to have everything figured out before you come.

You can come jumbled.

Let’s get some clarity together.

Book a Clarity Call with Minae Speaks Life.